this is called "the leave me alone this is my turf you cuntface" forum. read: you're not welcome. get a hint.

[i'm with gay people]

CONSUMERESQUE by: Lourd Ernest de Veyra

“If Christ lived in our time, everyone would be hanging a chair from their necks.”

—Serge Gainsbourg



This poem gets published let’s say

In a broadsheet or a weekly mag,

The author gets only around P500,

Or P1,000 if he’s lucky.

That’s what you get for writing poetry.

But when I was writing press releases

I got paid P2,000 and more for less than ten

Dumb, lousy, brainless, inane paragraphs

That takes me less than 15 minutes to write.

That’s why this one isn’t a poem.

It’s a press release– an announcement,

For what, it’s really up to you,

The reader, for you are purportedly

The ultimate audience of all writing,

You, the dear consumer with a capital C,

Body curved like a small squirming worm–

Living breathing consumer of hamburgers,

Pizza, fried chicken, engineered denims,

MMS mobile phones, multi-colored basketball shoes,

40-inch flat screen TV sets, DVD players,

Pirated Harry Potter VCDs, slimming tablets,

Light beer, blue cola, bottled water, oversized shirts,

Digital video cameras, shampoos, skin whitening lotions,

Instant cup noodles, hairspray, deodorant,

Laundry soap, cigarettes, gin cocktails,

And all other things with a price tag

And all other things even without a price tag

And all other things and all other things

And things and things and things and things and things



If only this poem could make you happy,

If only this poem could excite your eyes–

Make your heart beat, make your breathing shallower,

Invade your system like a mixture of sugar and fat

Seize your common sense like news of a miracle

Or a young star’s pregnancy or showbiz couples splitting up,

If only this poem could possess you

With the power of a preacher draped in checkered suits

And the incandescent promise of Jesus,

If only this poem could possess you

And a million other people in Sunday Luneta or 2001 Edsa





If only I could string this poem

With neon signs, airconditioning,

An awesome awning and display window,

A prime spot in Greenbelt 2 or Eastwood City

Or Boracay or Ortigas or Megamall First Level

Or in a booth in Virra Mall





If only this poem could have a movie adaptation

Starring Aga Mulach and Richard Gomez and Sharon Cuneta

And heavily financed by Mother Lily

And they’re showing lots of titties in it,

With a riotous premiere at the UP Film Center

Where people squeeze into the lobby

And somebody’s thrusting a mic into the crowd

And people would grab it screaming

“Ang galing-galing ng tula grabe!

Ang guwapo-guwapo ng tula!

Ang ganda-ganda ng tula!

Nakakakilig!”



If only this poem came with a great witty commercial

Copywritten by the great angst-ridden geniuses

Of J. Walter or McCann or Saatchi,

With some bright young dreadlocked Mowelfund boy

Directing it, and it’d have a real snappy punchline

Mouthed everyday by 80 million people

With a really cheesy jingle to go with it



If only this poem could be in a game show

Where the hosts ask about its author

And the contestant answers correctly

With heart-stopping urgency

And she faints in complete disbelief

Beneath a blinding shower of confetti

And carnival lights and fake applause



If only this poem had major record label backing,

Incessant airplay with constant payola,

Excellent packaging with bonus tracks and live video performances,

Guestings in Eat Bulaga, S.O.P, ASAP

And the PBA halftime, with a kickass music

Video played on MTV twenty four to seven

And ho’s are grinding their assess off

To its beat and the lyrics stream across

The lower part of the screen so you could sing along to it



If only this poem could have a big billboard

Along Shaw, Guadalupe, Ayala, Quiapo, Libis,

South Superhighway, all the pillars of the MRT–

With either Christine or Aga as endorser

And the billboard shoots up 100 feet high

In the air, bathing in a torrent of impossibly hard sulfur light



If only this poem could be a real press release

Of this poem that is hoping to become a thing

Instead of a real poem A thing

To be found in supermarket shelves

In booths in tiangges and malls and sidewalks

Handed out by promo girls, printed in shirts and flyers,

In glossy magazine pages and 30-seconders

With its own documentary and behind-the-scenes

In between teledrama breaks you love

Held by the hands of the actress you really love







So you could eat this poem,



Match with your favorite pair of jeans,



Roll on your underarm



Reduce your facial oil



Make you whiter



Eliminate your pimples



Give you great abs



Give your hair a fuller body and natural shine



Improve your sex life



Something you could buy from 7 Eleven, put in a plastic bag, and throw in the river



Something you buy



Buy and be Buy and be BE!





Be thinner Be smarter Be muscular



Be hip Be cool Be in



Be You



Be Who You Really Are



Who are you ? Be?



Oh What a Wonderful Thing !



The Poem as a Thing !







Now–

If only this poem could be a thing

With a cast iron ball and chain and spikes

I’d pick it up when I’m dirt-poor and hungry

And gladly bludgeon you to death with it

You dumb stupid illiterate motherfucking idiot

[IMAGINARYERIC]

"Is it I, Lord?"

basag ka na naman? hahaha!

bigat nito!

[Jeff Regullano]

Welcome back elmo... well said brother.

[i'm with gay people]

wasap jeff my man!anu balita.wasap eric the man!?

[i'm with gay people]

since pinasok nyo tong forum nato kahit wala namng kwenta hehe. check nyo na rin tong mga kul na kul na bandang to. they may not be as good as any cliched blues wanking or guitarpyrotechnic masturbating razorback/wolfgang wannabes out there but pukinangina they sound---at least---fresh( or tryingto sound fresh) and jeesus h. chrissst, they've got good songs.

1. monsterbot-- matagal na tong mga to. mga kasabay pa ng all-time orcs peborit na slapshakz. put fugazi, pixies, mario bros,80s nintendo, quirk and more quirk in a dilapidated blender... malayo pa rin sa kanila. cos monsterbot is monsterbot.explo-fuckin'-sive!

2.the dorques- pag ang banda hindi mo agad masakyan sa unang panood at napakamot ka ng ulo sabay di ka makatulog, tiyak hindi yun normal/run-on-the-mill/mediocre o sadyang mababangis lang talaga tong mga to. yung nasasakyan ang twisted na tunog ng deadmilkmen, pixies ,pavement at iba pang lo-fi wonder kids baka mapag-tripan nyo rin sila.thanks ahmad for this piece of wonderful shit. sabi nga nung song nila: supercoool!

3.The bernadettes-- drunk pop! malalasing kayo sa hazy yet infectious song-writing ng mga lasenggong 'to. some songs evoke pixies, some hints teenagefanclub but as a sum they are the drunken pop of the bernadettes. check out "nasty pictures" and see for yourselves.

4.the beauty of doubt-- no stereotype, no bullshit punkrock. hardcore yet not tugpak tugpak dumb. proggy yet not pretentious as malmsteen. socially-conscious yet not preachy. ronald schlander and company is back with a fuckin' vengeance since the disintegration of the Fugazi-fuelled Mindrape! Punk's not dead and hardcore rules indeed!

5.eggboy- lo-fi project ni diego mapa ng monsterbot/pedicab/cambio fame. sobrang lo-fi ng production maririnig mo yung tunog ng mga jeepney sa labas ng bahay nila. if you're into daniel johnston welcome alternative to.

6.Your Imaginary Friend-- kung may tunay na manila-invasion from bikol, sila talaga ang mga true "conquerorS" yun nga lang di sila assuming. hehehe. the multi-racial team-up of the tanji bros(pesi paloma ex/the doldrums), eric po (facedown) and the new indie pin-up girl irina? is the best reason not to loose faith on bikol. technicallly adept they aren't but the songwriting is wordlclass. ask clem of the Camera Walls if you have doubts.

7.throw-buhay pa ang throw. deadends pt.2 sila with more punch and contemporary introspection. lourd of radioactivesago project is one of the founding members of this post-hardcore outfit. catch them live somewhere in the deep jungles of manila and feel the rush.

8.end of man--pagsamasamahin mo mga beterano ng marikina death/thrash sin. isahog mo si joey ng legendary trc-era Discant X. ano? total metal/speed/thrash rampage with a twist of lemon.hehehe.


note: most of thses bands have independently released/produced demos. all you have to do is hunt, hunt, hunt for it or u can watch their gigs and score. tower? music one? oddysey? naah. fuck those money-sucking sorry excuse for a record store.

like all of us i'm opinionated as shit but i really do believe that these bands are the real alternatives to the cacophony of crap that is being forcibly shove down our throats these days.kung ayaw nyo you can always watch your cutey boy bands on myx and mtv.

[JAZHER]

elmo mah meeeeyyynnnnn!!!!!!!!!

ano na naman ni brad hahahahaha!!!!!! ux ka talaga!!!!

maray pa mag shot kita!!!!

luv yah man!!!!! rakennnrrrooooowllll!!!!!!

[i'm with gay people]

jazher my brother
let's spend some night together
i don't care about the weather
as long as there's beer in the bottle.
when we get so drunk in the gutter
i'll dance like m.c. hammer
but if you got some rolling paper
let's just smoke this high-grade reefer.

hehe. ayus ba chong. nursery rhyme for adults. hehe.

[iska..u]

wat a genius writter..very broad mind!!

[i'm with gay people]

talaga. cge nga pautang 500 pesos!

[i'm with gay people]

talik' about emo i guess reypeace bravo and the biofeedback crew had never been more emo-er than this piece of shite (good shite that is). This is from their only released album back in the mid-90s. definitely a classic. napag-tripan ko lang. with some slight editing job para swabe. hehe. o, pahidan na ang mga luha at isang tagay para sa mga di naambunan ng gandang lalaki na tulad ko.huhuhu:

THE WORLD’S MOST UGLIEST MAN
I never know why I am given a life just to
Shoulder hell, I never know why
We are called human beings
When no one seems to live humane.
My sincerity is the nail you drive through my soul
Where fears now flow
And now my pain is too deep
My sorrows, too dark for any sanity to know.
Am I given the feelings just to experience pain
Am I given the hands
To slash my wrist and blow my brain?
Is there a god of justice and compassion?
Wherever I go I experience so much subjugation!
The double standards of society
And I’m the ugly man
When I can’t offer you security.

You make me feel like
I’m the world’s most ugliest man.

I never know why my self-denial
Is my only form of self-control.
I live within expectations
Imprisoned to the roles
My so-called privilege, my walls!
I never know why you boister my ego
At the expense of your own
I have deluded my self
That I have so much to live for
When I’m just all alone…

Am I given a mind
To know how much I am rejected?
Am I given the ears
To hear how much I am resented?
I am bred to provide
And when I’m hurt
It’s the same feelings that I must hide.
When you go with everyone but me
And when you talk with me
It’s like doing charity,

[AHMAD is THE SEX!]

bilib ako sa trip kan taong ini.

tama bang padakulaon man ang payo ko sa pagbali kan banda ko sa lista nya?
salamatonononon.

[Djai]

pano ako????

[i'm with gay people]

NEVERMIND THE BOLLOCKS HERE'S PHANTOM SIZEMORE!

Years ago there’s this battered philosophy book that has a whole chapter solely devoted to Zen Buddhism. If I can remember it right, a passage read that Zen is as profound as a slap in the face. The epiphany is not protracted and expected. It just hits you without a warning. Boom! Zap! Whack! Bop! (or ADD any old school batman series-type sound cue.)

Anyway, this is what happened to me last Friday night at 6 Underground. Semi-smashed by half-bottle of leftover Bacardi, Randall of Mangored and I went to this rock-dive in Pasig. I’m not expecting that much. For its reputation, 6Ug is known to many as a metal-leaning joint. I dunno, but by the looks of them long-haired dudes outside the venue, I guess it is indeed more metal than wuss.
We were there for Your Imaginary Friend--- a budding power-pop quartet led by Ahmad Tanji of Pepsi Paloma Ex fame. Craving for more buzz, we went up for beer that costs P50 a pop. For P200 bucks you can barely get wasted in this place but what the heck , Friday’s night is about getting piss-drunk so fuck it.
As we settled down on the low couch in front of the stage, five kids, mostly having that typical poster-boy looks, began to tune-up (or down) on stage. Randall, quite hammered by the amount of alcohol he’d been consuming since the early evening, snapped: “ Pogi rock bro!” Bigoted by barrage of bands that capitalize on good looks and sensitive-type crap that is congesting the airwaves these days like sewer garbage, I nonchalantly agreed.
Dismissing the band as another one of those hacks, I was ready to go outside for a smoke ( smoking is prohibited inside 6UG, so much for a rock venue, pwe! ) when these kids started play a random chunk of scraping clatter for a sound check. It almost made me shit on my unwashed underwear. Jeeesus and Mary Chain! This ain’t no sensitive-type eyeliner wimps! What the fuck is this!
Our collective chagrin turned into awe! This is pure shit! In my alcohol-fuelled reverie ,amidst the backdrop of ear drum grating din of feedback emanating from these kids’ Fender Jags and Teles, I recounted moments that were similar to this. I rack my brains off and the memories were but a few and these were the first time that I’ve seen bands like Throw, The Beauty of Doubt, ADA, End of Man and Radioactive Sago Project perform live. The experience was like smoking first class reefer from the North. Unbeatable. And that Friday night watching Phantom Sizemore (the noisy kids in question) harass the predominantly rocker-types at 6UG was one of those Zen-like evenings.
Sonically, they’re the equivalent of a T.V. tuned into a dead-channel --pure fuzz, according to their My Space account. In the age of digital aural sanitization, they stuck to their analog effects that look like improvised or bad copies of vintage MXRs and Big Muffs guitar gadgets. Despite the fact that the vocals were half-buried in a sea of oscillating guitar skronks, the effect is pure-feedback heaven, maan! It’s like the Jesus and Mary Chain being assaulted by drunken members of Husker Du while an acid-drenched Thurston Moore and Lee Ranaldo suddenly jumps in later to join the glorious cacophony. Wasaak!!!
It’s hard to understand what the fuck were they singing about but the over-all effect was , for lack of better adjective, blissful. The sight of death metal snobs covering their ears in disgust as they vacate the venue one by one is blissful. Hehehe. Up yours, fuckin’ pansies! Albeit barely recognizable, they even did a My Bloody Valentine cover. After their set the drunken idiot that was me spoke to the bass-player and raved how much I dig their set. He smiled and gave me a that “yeah right” look. Can’t blame him though, as Jarred ,their other singer and guitarist told us that they were surprised that someone will actually appreciate their sound. Many people are slowly starting to dig the saccharine shoegaze-types like Candyaudioline but I bet it would take a long time before the “rock” populace get in to the beauty of noise, given the fact that this type of music has been existing since the late seventies via the No Wave Movement spearheaded by the likes of Teenage Jesus and the Freaks and DNA.
Me, I don’t give a rat’s ass if they get cute and land a major label contract or not. In fact I like them the way they are: pure, abrasive and bullshit-free!

I’m sick and tired of the same old shit being rammed down our throats like dump trucks dislodging garbage at Payatas. Blues-revivalists, wimpy whining pretty boy bands disguised as “emo”, monotonous idiotic metal crap , aaaaaahhhhH! It’s time for a real change! If you’re genuinely open minded and in to adventurous muzak , check out Phantom Sizemore . Just don’t forget to bring a pair of ear muffs with you if it’s your fist time.